Tibor's Pocket Guide to Cat Druids!

Since Tibor hasn't found the new site yet - DNS is notoriously slow to update in countries that end with -stan - I figured I'd post, in its entirety, Tibor's Pocket Guide to Cat Druids.  Everything still holds true, the only major change is Mangle is much easier to keep up since the debuff was considerably extended in the last patch.

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[Editor's note: Tibor is from an unidentified country somewhere, judging by IP, in Eastern Europe. English is obviously his second language, and I have sought to leave most of his phrasing intact, with footnotes for any troublesome passages.]

HELLO! You are wanting to be cat-man. Tibor knows how to cat-man, yes. Tibor will show you how to be rockstar cat-man. You say, if I follow Tibor, I can be awesome as Tibor? Tibor SPITS on your stupid, stupid brain![1] However, if you follow Tibor, you may one day be one-seventh as awesome as Tibor, which is good for how bad you suck now. Maybe one day solo Hogger.

First must discuss approach. Cat-man likes behind boss man, never front. Cat-man likes beside dragon, never behind or front. In front dragon? In front boss man? Tibor SPITS on your corpse! Behind dragon? Dragon shits cat-man out like explosive turd from bad beets. Sneaky is optional; some boss man yell, make cat-man not sneaky, or pee on him from distance. Is bad making. Can use Cat Charge, makes guildies laugh. Tibor SPITS on guildies for mocking cat-man!

Once behind, FULL ATTACK! If sneaky, hit Pounce then Mangle. If not sneaky, just hit Mangle. This announce to boss, Tibor is here to take your plow! Much fear in boss. Next, hit Shred. Some people say not hit Shred, but Tibor always hits Shred once, just once. This is for allow Tibor time to pose.[2]

Now should have two to four combo points. Next part is very important. Hit Savage Roar. Savage Roar make cat-man hit like washing machine filled with hand grenades and drunken wolves dropped from helicopter. Without Savage Roar, cat-man hit like Brpzink.[3] Always up Savage Roar.

When Savage Roar is go, hit Rake. But Tibor, you say, was cat-man before, Rake was bad, like time Tibor showed up for revolution and forgot tractor. Rake bad? Tibor SPITS on your stupid, stupid brain! Rake is MIGHTY ATTACK now.

Now cat-man is probably tired. Cat-man must not despair! Hit Tiger's Fury, and cat-man will be strong once more! Then hit Shred many times, until four or five combo points. Once four or five combo points, hit Rip. Boss is now much bleeding from ass.

Now game becomes like Vrbinsk.[4] Is job of cat-man to hit buttons when buttons not hit. Follow priority:

1) If not up Savage Roar, hit Savage Roar. Even if only have one combo point, Savage Roar very important.
2) If not up Mangle, hit Mangle.
3) If not up Rake, hit Rake. It makes boss bleed from ass.
4) Hit Shred. Shred is for making combo points.
5) If up Savage Roar and Rake and Mangle and have four or five combo points, then hit Rip. It also makes boss bleed from ass.
6) If up Savage Roar and Rake and Mangle and Rip and have combo points, hit Ferocious Bite.
7) When remember, hit Faerie Fire.
8) Hit Tiger's Fury when can hit and are tired.
9) Hit Berserk when can hit. For extra GIANT MONKEY SHIT ATTACK when fighting trash, hit Tiger's Fury, then Berserk, then Shred many times or Swipe many times. If tank no threat, prepare to be punched in face many times. GIANT MONKEY SHIT ATTACK is very dangerous.

But you ask, where is Claw? Tibor SPITS on your stupid, stupid brain! Claw is bad attack, like turnip stewed in newspaper. Go play stupid dress-wearing man who bakes cookies for raid. Tibor SPITS on stupid mage![5] Remember: your job is keep up Savage Roar, Mangle, Rake, Rip, Faerie Fire, in that order.

Cat-man also must pay attention raid. Cat-man has many abilities for raid-making happy; cat-man must use them when appropriate. If healy man fall down, cat-man may hit Rebirth and bring them back to life! If none of them have fallen down, cat-man may hit Rebirth to bring stupid cowardly stabbing-man to life for second chance to fail. Tibor SPITS on stupid rogue![6]

Cat-man also has Innervate, which is brain-juice injector. Save for healy men, mostly for metal healy men. Metal healy-men usually are short on brain-juice.

So now you know how to be rockstar cat-man like Tibor but much worse than Tibor! Practice Vrbinsk, learn when to use GIANT MONKEY SHIT ATTACK, and you too will be legend!

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[1] Every time Tibor uses this phrase, it is accompanied by exactly seventeen seconds of spitting noises. Possible clue to country of origin? Must research customs of disrespect.

[2] No idea.

[3] Untranslatable, possible racial slur against the Moldovan people.

[4] Elaborate game of Albanian nobility, dating back to the thirteenth century. Involves a field demarcated into nine squares, the local peasantry, and catapults loaded with dead livestock; closest modern analogue is "Whack-A-Mole".

[5] Tibor apparently has some sort of irrational hatred for mages.

[6] And rogues.